A Servant of Christ

Over the past few days I've had the privilege of competing in, and helping to host, the annual Chanel Shield competition between the Diocesan high schools. The event was wonderful, and Aquinas did ourselves proud by coming a spectacular third place (albeit only out of five teams), which is the best we've ever done! Congratulations team.

Personally, I took part in the Senior Bible Reading, and whilst praying beforehand, I asked God (quite unusually!) to let me... not win. The thing is, I struggle a LOT with humility. I set myself very high standards and nearly always attain these. I'm heartbroken when I disappoint myself, because I am so unused to not... winning (double negative, I know!). I'm learning, slowly, the gifts of humility and acceptance. It's definitely not an easy task, but the Holy Spirit carries most of the burden. All I have to do is not burst into tears! 

The Lord knows what is best, which is for me to wholeheartedly be His servant. I know this will bring me the truest Joy. For, as dear St Therese notes, when pain is endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever. I'm praying for humility, for peace and contentment. I'm praying that I won't care so much what others think of me, won't long for approbation and estimation. I'm praying the prayer of Cardinal Merry del Val:

O Jesus meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver, me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver, me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That in the opinion of the world, others may increase, and I may decrease,Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I become as holy as I should,Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

So maybe I didn't win- but I didn't cry either. Because, in the end, I am first and foremost a servant of Christ- all my successes, my failures, my joys, my sufferings, are with him and for him. Without Christ I cannot do so much as stand. He is my rock, my refuge, my salvation- my Lord and my God in whom my whole being abides. Why should any opinion matter but that of our Lord? It is God who gives you the victory. Our reward is rich in Him who provides all blessings- humility makes that praise from our Lord all the more precious.

Below is the excerpt from Philippians I read- isn't it just beautiful?

I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because you have shared in the gospel from the first day until now. I am confident that the one who began this good work among you will bring it to completion on the day of Jesus Christ. You are always in my heart! And so it is only right for me to think this way about all of you, for all of you share in God’s grace with me, both in my imprisonment, and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, I long for all of you with the compassion of Christ Jesus. I pray that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you determine what is best, so that on the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless, having produced the harvest of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, for the glory and praise of God.

Beloved, I want you to know that what has happened to me has actually helped to spread the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard that my imprisonment is because I am a servant of Christ; and most of the brothers and sisters having been made confident in the Lord by my imprisonment dare to speak the word with greater boldness and without fear.

Some proclaim Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from genuine goodwill. These proclaim Christ out of love, knowing that I have been put here for the defense of the gospel; the others proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely but intending to increase my suffering in my imprisonment. What does it matter? Just that Christ is proclaimed in every way, whether out of false motives or true, and in that I rejoice.

            And I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through you prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ I shall be set free. It is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be put to shame in any way but that by my speaking with all boldness, Christ will be exalted now as always in my whole being whether I live or die For what is life? To me, it is Christ.  Death, then, will bring more. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which I prefer. I am hard pressed between the two: my desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better; but to remain in the flesh is more necessary for you. Since I am convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with all of you for your progress and joy in faith, so that I may share abundantly in your boasting in Christ Jesus when I come to you again.

            Whatever happens, live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel so that whether I come and see you or am absent and hear about you, I will know that you are standing firm in one spirit, and striving side by side with one mind for the faith of the gospel. Do not be afraid of your enemies; always be courageous, for this will prove to them that they shall lose and you shall win, because it is God who gives you the victory. For he has graciously granted you the privilege not only of believing in Christ, but of suffering for him as well. Now you can take part with me in the battle. It is the same battle you saw me fighting in the past, and, as you hear, the battle I still fight.

            If then there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love and being in full accord. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. He was humble and walked the path of obedience all the way to death- even death on a cross. Therefore God also highly exalted him, and gave him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus Christ, every knee should bend in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

AMDG