Ashamed to be Catholic

I haven’t worn a miraculous medal in years

God forbid you think I’m the Mary-worshipping type

and I don’t have a clue where my scapular is

Lest you think I’m the superstitious, stuck-in-the-Middle-Ages type

I’ve developed a healthy mistrust of the clergy

God forbid you think I support child abusers

and my social media steers clear of the words ‘abortion’, ‘euthanasia’ and ‘same-sex marriage’

Lest you think I’m one of the hate-speech-wielding, shove-it-down-your-throat brigade

Oh, and did I mention I’ve started drinking more?

God forbid you think I’m against having fun

and swearing, too

Lest you think I’m snobby and prudish

I choose only contemporary music for youth masses

God forbid you think I’m a lover of ancient, out-of-date hymns

and yes, I know the lyrics to this song

Lest you think I have something against Top 40

We don’t have to say grace if it makes you uncomfortable

God forbid you think I’d force you to put up with my religion

and please, go ahead and sleep with anyone you like

Lest you think I’m judgmental.

God forbid you think I’m Catholic like those other people are Catholic

I’m not one of them, I swear

I know they’re hypocrites and haters and bigots

and rich and self-righteous

and idolatrous

and backwards

and

I don’t know Him, I swear.

In my home diocese, our magazine’s slogan is “Proud to be Catholic”

but somehow I'm not. 

And so I half-proclaim the Gospel

and so I proclaim a half-Gospel

and so only half of me proclaims the Gospel

Because I am ashamed.

But this morning I woke up

(having not slept at all,

tossing and turning 

with shame)

and He was still there.

Beneath scandal and slander and wealth and pride

The infant of Bethlehem sleeps

The victim of Calvary weeps

The kingdom of Heaven leaps with the song of salvation

And every Sunday we gather to remember His love

And every day we try again

as sinners

to love as He loves.

And though I’m not very good at showing it sometimes,

I am proud to be Catholic.

~~~

AMDG