Does following Jesus as a woman look different?

Disclaimer: this post is pretty upfront about womanly experiences. If you are not comfortable with that, feel free not to read it. If you disagree with anything I say, please (lovingly) let me know. This is entirely speculative at a theological level, and I make no claims of credibility other than (limited) personal experience.

Here’s the scene: you wake up feeling confused, uncomfortable, and not at all keen to face the world. Coming down the stairs, your overly-chipper housemate wishes you a good morning, to which you mumble something incoherent. Your back aches and your head is throbbing.

You persuade yourself to go to work, and are irritated all day by demanding, unkind colleagues. Towards the end of the day you snap and say something snarky to one of them. You spend the car ride home crying because you’re such an awful person.

After taking a few painkillers, you begrudgingly pick up your Bible – because it’s on your list of resolutions to pray every day – and you open up to this Scripture:

“Go, sell everything you have and give the money to the poor. Then come follow me.”

You cry a bit more, realizing guiltily that Jesus couldn’t possibly love someone as selfish, cold-hearted, and unwilling to serve as you. You’d like to be a disciple, but you’ve counted the cost and it just sounds miserable. So you resign yourself to eternity in hell and make sure you slam the door on your way back to your room.

Funnily enough, within a week or so, life is looking rosy again. God’s love feels real; you have the energy and confidence to follow His will; you feel capable of generosity towards others.

What changed?

Hormones. Flipping hormones. The endless cycle of ups and downs, of frustration and tears, of cramps and desires that make up the monthly rhythm of feminine life.

As women, we understand (and resent) this as a normal part of life. We learn to persevere, to push through, to put on a fake smile when the real ones refuse to come. We learn to turn ourselves into functional men so that we can keep up in a business world where few allowances are made for personal variations in mood or stamina.

Even within the Church, we hear the necessity of building a daily rhythm filled with discipline and dedication to proclaiming the Gospel in a consistent way. The demands of discipleship sometimes feeling like the easiest and most beautiful calling in the world; at other times like an impossible challenge of which we are profoundly incapable.

Recently I began to contemplate these challenges in prayer. Jesus put it on my heart to ask an important question: “Are the demands of discipleship different for a woman’s soul?”

I think we fear to ask this question for two opposite political reasons, and one spiritual reason: 

• We’re afraid of sounding too conservative and pre-feminist, like we’re trying to say that women are less competent than men, or don’t deserve to be on the same level as disciples
• We’re afraid of sounding too hippy, like all we do is read New Age spirituality articles about moving to the rhythm of your body, and are happy to discuss periods with anyone that will listen.
• We’re afraid that we’re just making excuses for our weakness and sinfulness, and not accepting the cross that the Lord asks all of us to carry.   

But as I prayed further about this topic, and discussed it with a few friends, I realized that the challenges of our menstrual cycles are something deeply resonant and deeply relevant to the spiritual life of women.

Too many women, crippled by intense period pain, feel guilty that they cannot serve the Kingdom of God the way they want to for a week every month.

Too many women, plagued by relentless PMS, spend several days wracked with guilt for everything they say to others and convinced that they are unworthy of salvation.

Too many women, uncertain of the unique dignity of their femininity, ignore and suppress the reality of their menstrual cycle to keep up appearances as a good Christian and viable working member of society.

I don’t think this is how it’s meant to be.

In Mulieris Dignitatem, Pope St John Paul II reflects that a woman’s motherhood (and the bodily processes associated with it in all women) “literally absorbs the energies of her body and soul… No program of ‘equal rights’ between men and women is valid unless it takes this fact fully into account.” (18)

God in His goodness has made men and women equal… but different. We are both made in His image and likeness, but at a fundamental hormonal level things are radically unalike.

Men’s hormones follow a daily rhythm – consistent, predictable, and repetitive. Following Jesus as a man has a similar character to this: building daily routines and consistent commitments to serve Him in specific ways.

Women’s hormones follow (roughly) a monthly rhythm – there are seasons of ebb and flow, times of fertility and times of rebuilding, times of energy and times of introspection. Following Jesus as a woman, I propose, has a similar character to this: getting in tune with what He offers you in every phase of your cycle and responding to His grace in ways that make sense with those seasons.

Jesus said to the woman at the well, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” (John 4:10)

I think if we knew the gift of God manifested in the different phases of our menstrual cycle, we’d stop seeing the demands of discipleship as a burden, and start asking Him for the living water to respond faithfully according to the season.

Funnily enough, the Church has already made a place for seasons: the liturgical year. We celebrate. We prepare. We endure the passion. We live ordinary time.

What if we treated our cycle like the liturgical year?

What if we attempted to work in harmony with the rhythm of life God has given us as women by praying, working, and striving for virtue in the ways that make sense for the season?

And so I present to you the beginnings of a blueprint for doing just that – a rough ‘Theology of Menstruation’, if you will: how to live prayerfully according to your cycle.

A Blueprint for Living Prayerfully According to Your Cycle

Week One: Follicular Phase (once your period starts)

Resurrection, Pentecost, Ordinary Time

What’s happening in your body: As your body sheds the lining of the uterus (menstrual blood), estrogen levels have already begun to increase, giving you renewed energy and confidence. Your body is starting to mature eggs for ovulation.

How you're feeling: Break-through – you (almost) feel like a human being again! This season is all about rejoicing in new beginnings, making the most of new energy as it arrives (from the Holy Spirit), and settling into a rhythm of productivity. It’s a great time to think about gratitude and to set goals.

Ministry strengths: casting a vision, planning, identifying potential opportunities

Ways to pray: praise and worship, practical discernment

Theme Scripture: Luke 8:1-3 – like Mary, Johanna, and Susanna, we can use this new season of energy to follow Jesus and provide for His people out of our resources.

Theme Song: “10,000 Reasons” by Matt Redman

Virtues to pray for this week: peace, joy, diligence

Week Two: Lead-up to Ovulation and Ovulatory Phase

Advent, Christmas 

What’s happening in your body: Estrogen levels rise and peak, maximizing your energy and social skills. A burst of testosterone at ovulation increases your physical desires.

How you're feeling: Like a child on Christmas morning, this season finds you at your best. In the lead-up to ovulation, you’re excited and optimistic. You learn new things quickly, articulate your thoughts easily, and have a longing for adventure. You’ll probably also find yourself thinking about pleasure more – whether that’s sex, new opportunities, or victory in the things you can do.

Ministry strengths: public speaking, mingling, encouraging others

Ways to pray: going to Mass, activity-based prayer (e.g. praying on a mountaintop)

Theme Scripture: John 12:1-7 – like Mary of Bethany, we can choose to offer the best of ourselves as a fragrant gift to Jesus.

Theme Song: “Closer” by Bethel

Virtues to pray for this week: chastity, patience, humility

Week Three: Luteal Phase

Ordinary time, Lent 

What’s happening in your body: Estrogen levels drop off, and another hormone, progesterone, increases. Progesterone is a calming hormone that makes you think smaller-scale, prompts you to rest, and steers you away from too much socializing.

How you're feeling: After all that Christmas celebrating, you’re in the mood for quieter times of reflection and organization. You may feel a bit on-edge socially, and prefer introspective pursuits. It’s a great time to be intimate with God and get on top of the routines you neglected during the excitement of the holidays.

Ministry strengths: organization, writing, one-on-one conversations

Ways to pray: scripture and journaling, retreat time

Theme Scripture: Luke 10:38-42 – like Martha, we may need permission to slow down and be more contemplative this week.

Theme Song: “You Speak” by Audrey Assad

Virtues to pray for this week: courage, generosity

Week Four: Lead-up to Menstruation and Menstrual Phase

Holy Week

What’s happening in your body: Your uterus is preparing to shed its endometrium, and estrogen is at an all-time low. PMS may kick in, or painful cramps as your uterus contracts.

How you're feeling: Like the disciples’ experience of Holy Week, this week may feel to you like a steep downhill roller-coaster. You may be sluggish and confused, despondent and self-condemning, or just plain irritated at the world. God feels far away, and you want somebody to blame for that experience – either others or yourself.

Ministry strengths: Intercessory prayer

Ways to pray:  Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, Adoration

Theme Scripture: John 20:11-18 – like Mary Magdalene, there are season where we stand weeping outside of the tomb and desperately need to hear Jesus say our name.

Theme Song: “Please be my strength” by Gungor

Virtues to pray for this week: kindness, forgiveness, hope

In Summary:

Something I noticed when matching up the weeks of our cycle to the liturgical calendar is that the segments aren’t equal. They roughly correspond to how much we can expect from ourselves in those weeks: lots in week one and two, less in week three, just a sliver in week four. This isn’t to say that we stop giving to Christ in the ‘smaller’ seasons – rather that we recognize ourselves chiefly as recipients of His mercy.

In my own life, I’m beginning to work out the best ways to embrace seasonality. I’ve realised there’s a day (about two days before my period) where I should not be allowed to pass judgment on myself at all, because I’ve likely to just say “ugly, cruel, unlovable, and dumb.” That’s the day I cling to my rosary beads. Similarly there’s a day (just before I ovulate) where it takes all my discipline to pray, because God seems so boring compared to the exciting, kissable world that’s out there. Week 3 of my cycle is a writing week, because I’ve got ideas flowing out of all that introspection, but am also anxious about the small talk involved in sharing those ideas with real human beings. I’ve also started praying for each set of virtues that lift me out of my expected seasonal emotions to truly choose the Kingdom of heaven, and reflecting on the following questions.

Reflection questions on living the seasons of your cycle prayerfully

• In Luke 13:10-17, Jesus heals a woman bent double, and frees her from her pain. Importantly, He does this on the Sabbath, the day of rest. Do I make space for proper rest when I am in pain, in order that Jesus might heal me?

• Do I view ‘Lent’ (luteal phase) and ‘Holy Week’ (PMS) as a season to receive God's mercy by intentionally taking time in the desert, and leaning on Him in the hard times?

• Do I view ‘Advent’ (pre-ovulation) as a time to prepare for Jesus, giving Him the best of my energy and affection? Do I use the excitement and optimism of ‘Christmas’ (ovulation) to say Yes to God’s will for my life?

• How do I make the most of ‘Ordinary Time’? Do I choose these seasons of calm and neutrality as a time to live diligently and work hard for God? 

• When do I go to Confession? Do I experience a difference between my understanding of sin and salvation between my ovulatory phase and menstrual phase? When am I best equipped to discern both my need of seeking God’s forgiveness, and His infinite mercy?

• Do I offer up my own cycle and its hardships for the sake of others? Do I pray for women in the developing world that don’t have access to feminine hygiene and so have to miss school or work? Do I pray for women in countries where menstruation is still seen as an impurity and so are blocked out of society?

• Have I prayerfully considered the impact my monthly period is having on the environment? Am I open to trying earth-friendly feminine hygiene products such as a menstrual cup or reusable cloth pads?

• Am I merciful towards others, realising that (probably) about one in four women in any given room are going through the toughest physical and emotional phase of their cycle?

A final thought

Given the fact that she conceived a baby, Mary must have been fertile when she gave God her Fiat. I’m not saying that she wouldn’t have said yes if she was pre-menstrual, but the fact that she was close to ovulation meant that she was hormonally disposed to be confident, optimistic about the future, and excited about opportunities.

I think this tells us something important about God: He chooses to reveal His will to us in moments when we have the greatest chance of saying Yes. True, He invites us to be faithful disciples even at our most miserable. But in our fertile season, He gives us an especial grace of receptivity and optimism, and uses this spiritual fertility to conceive His word in our souls.

Let it be done to me according to Thy word.

~~

I hope these ideas are helpful for somebody out there. But I also hope that you have other, and better, ideas than mine. I’ve never had to battle with PCOS or endometriosis. After years of irregularity, my cycle is finally getting to get predictable. Mine is only one experience of living feminine discipleship. So I hope we can begin a conversation that honestly acknowledges the unique challenges of being a female disciple of Christ, and empowers us to embrace our call to become Saints in very practical ways.

AMDG