Lessons Learned Lately

1.) Beginning a bunch of blog posts, saving them as drafts and hoping you'll get around to finishing them someday does NOT work!

I have so many things I want to share on here. Life has become rather an exhilarating whirlwind in these past few weeks, and I've loved many aspects of it. However, my attempts to capture my experiences (never mind my deeper thoughts!) have been stymied by a busy schedule and a lazy attitude in the free time I have. I'll have to rely on pictures to tell the story of the past month.

I spent some of late January in Hamilton, helping out on a service project with the lovely ladies of Rimbrook. I volunteered on the same project last summer, and found it so worthwhile that I returned. Each day, we ran a holiday programme for 30 refugee children. These kiddlywinks mostly come from Colombia, and many of them have lost a father to gang-related violence. Although the New Zealand government provides well for them, both the children and their mothers still struggle immensely, and this holiday programme, along with many other initiatives, help them out a great deal. It's wonderful fun, too! The language barrier was the toughest thing (my Spanish is largely restricted to 'hello', 'goodbye' and counting to  40) but singing, dancing and lots of piggy-back rides made up for any lingual discrepancies!

Camera-Junkie-Moment-of-Glory: When you manage to push a swing with one hand and capture the moment- IN FOCUS- with the other

Rehearsals for The Sound of Music are well underway (5 out of 7 days a week for me!), and going splendidly. I enjoy this so much! 

Recognise the girl about to run into a rock?

School started again last Thursday. I'm taking History, Art History, Geography, English, Statistics and Religion (many essays!!), and all are so far proving enjoyable and worthwhile. On the Tuesday and Wednesday before school began, I attended a leadership camp for the student executive (prefects). This was run by a Marist brother, and focused on how leadership in a Catholic school is different from that in a state school. We were also challenged out of our comfort zone with a high ropes course - but for me personally the van ride to and from the activities was more nerve-wracking than the climbing!

I don't actually have suitable photos of any of this, so instead you get a pretty picture of my Medugorje rosary and startling red fingernails (since scrubbed to their Aquinas-acceptable state). 

A slight break from the stress of the 21st Century was found in a time lapse to the 19th. On Saturday, my three best friends and I celebrated the 200th Anniversary of the publication of Pride and Prejudice by dressing up in (homemade!) period costumes, having tea and engaging in all sorts of delightful Austenesque activities. 

Tomorrow brings the relief of a day off, as New Zealand commemorates the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi in 1840. I intend to rest, go to rehearsal and hopefully get out for a walk. The below photo was taken last Saturday at the Hamilton gardens- I DO so love roses!

**************

2.) Having fun is neither an immunisation against, nor an antidote to, burnout.

I LOVE what I'm involved in at the moment. The school musicals are some of the biggest highlights of my years at Aquinas. I cannot wait for each rehearsal, I practice obsessively in my free time, and I throw myself wholly into every run-through.

Somewhere along the way, I've started to believe that I can't possibly get (tired/sick/a sore throat/ burned out) as long as I'm enjoying everything as much as I can. While there's something to be said for a positive outlook, I've learned the hard way that a smile does not make you immune to exhaustion. In the past two days, I've been told by the show's musical director, my vocal coach, my parents and my own body that I've been overworking myself. It simply isn't necessary to sing at full volume every time we go through a song; I don't need to hit that high-C whenever we practice.

It's a difficult lesson to learn- when to NOT give your all. It almost feels lazy, like I'm cheating if I don't put 100% into everything I'm doing. But, as seemingly everyone keeps reminding me, I'm not going to make it to April the way I'm going.

This lesson probably applies to many other things in my life. As the unfortunate bearer of an intense personality, I seldom "ease up", as it were. A classmate today told me that her older sister advised taking it easy in year 13, that same sister realizing at university that no-one even cared what your level 3 results were. I was bemused and a little confused. The question that struck me was: if you aren't investing yourself in school, what are you doing? What, really, is that alternative?

I enjoy learning, I really do. That doesn't necessarily mean I always love school (ohhhh no...), but I'm passionate about many of my courses, to the extent that I often overdo it. Yes, I realise how wonderful it is to be proud of a well-completed assignment - but perhaps that assignment need not be an perfect replica of an 1890s letter, down to the stamp of Queen Victoria used on the unnecessary envelope. 

I'm only a WEEK into this year, and already I am physically and emotionally exhausted. It's not that any of the obligations have, in themselves, been especially difficult. It is my own passion that is draining me. Learning balance is going to be one of my most monumental task this year.

*************

3.) Delegation is not optional.

I'll be the first to admit it: I'm a control freak. 

As a Melancholic-Choleric, Type-A, Idealist-Perfectionist Martha, I have an irrepressible desire for everything be done exactly as it ought to be. I live largely in my imagination, and my impractical idealistic tendencies often mean that I'm disappointed in realities. Thus, I'm frequently propelled to do everything myself, for fear that someone else might get it wrong. 

This is an issue that has been prevalent in my life from a very early age, and one which I'm sure will continue to plague me to my deathbed. It usually showed itself in my expectations of myself- I couldn't accept less than my best effort and my best result. Although I know THAT isn't entirely healthy, at least self-expectations weren't harming anyone else. It gets more difficult when I'm put in a group situation. The dictator in me wants to take charge, so that the end result is as near to my vision as possible. But in my obsession with perfection, I tend to overlook the actual human beings with which I'm working. 

I've always thought of myself as a reasonably considerate person, and I've tried not to impose my own (unreasonable) expectations onto others. But as soon as I am part of a team, the group's success IS my success, and I lose sight of that empathy which is necessary for harmony.

I had a major reality-check moment the other day. As part of our Student Executive duties, we ran a leadership retreat day for the rest of year 13 on Friday. Each committee was assigned a different aspect, and, naturally, as Special Character committee leaders, my co-head and I were responsible for organizing the liturgy. 

I did it ALL.

Looking back, I regret it sorely, but at the time, it seemed that the 48 hours given to organize it warranted a self-motivated effort. I attempted to compensate for my (selfishness?) by giving my co-head a large percentage of the readings, etc., but a friend later said that my co-head had felt like I only gave him the jobs out of sympathy.

Ouch. It hit home kind of hard. I suddenly realized that I hadn't recognized him as a PERSON. And that was where my key flaw had reared its ugly head. I ought to have delegated, let him have an active role in creating the liturgy. Sure, he would not have written the exact same reflection that I did, and it might not have been quite what I visualized, but at least he as a PERSON would feel useful, valuable and appreciated. 

Delegation is essential, for two reasons. Firstly, it affirms in your teammates that they are actually part of the team, not an expendable incidental. Secondly, it helps prevent against aforementioned burnout. It isn't necessary that I do it all myself- especially if, as was the case last week, I have to stay up late and get up early to finish it all. 

Learning to let go is TOUGH. My silly inner control freak is always whispering evil thoughts to me: "if they get it wrong, you'll be blamed."

WHO CARES?

Is it not more important for your co-workers to feel emotionally satisfied than for you to be praised?

It's hard. I'm fighting my most ingrained flaws on a daily basis, and succeeding very seldom. I'm learning, all the time, but human nature is a hard thing to overcome. Even harder to fight is the temptations of the devil, who teases me with those little rewards I want so dearly.

But really, isn't heaven the best reward?

*******************

AMDG

Kate