New Year's New Eve

2015.

Wow. I'm still pinching myself. Is it actually possible that we've arrived here? That it has now been more than a year since I graduated high school? That it's now only three days until I get back on a plane to Australia to begin a second year of missionary work?

Time flies. 

Every New Year, I grapple with the idea of making resolutions. Occasionally I do. One year I made three pages of resolutions (some of which stuck through the entire year, others of which were forgotten by the end of the first day).

Heading into this new year of NET, there are many promises I'm making to myself and to God about the sort of teammate I want to be, the different things I'd like to accomplish, etc. etc. But as to a more central focus for the year as a whole; the battle I want to fight in 2015, I'd given little thought. 

Until today (cue dramatic music)

In personal prayer, my mind kept flicking back to one of its favourite topics: authentic femininity. It's something I'm incredibly passionate about, and something I know the Lord wants me to bring to the forefront of my ministry in the coming years. I love that, as a woman, there is a unique way in which I can reflect God to this world, and (especially over the past year) my heart has been crying out for concrete ways in which to do that.

As I pondered this today, I had a thought. And with that thought, a very peaceful clarity washed over me, which is usually, for me, a sign that the thought is of the Holy Spirit. 

Mary.

The New Eve. The epitome of authentic femininity. A fact I've known for many years, and yet one that so often slips my mind. As a woman - probably even especially as a Catholic woman - I spend so much time and effort striving to get it right when it comes to my feminine identity. To do this, I always look to those who inspire me most. Being on NET this year I've had a huge number of incredible female role models, many of whom I've striven to be like in little ways. 

The problem is that they're all stunningly different. And the more I strive to be like them in virtue, the more confused I begin to get thinking about my earthly path. In aspiring to be like the beautiful nun I just met, I begin to second-guess my vocation to marriage. In seeing the strength of a certain teacher, I feel convicted that God is calling me to teaching, only to be certain, a moment later in the presence of a hospice worker, that nursing is my God-given vocation. 

I get caught up in things seen. Things that pass. What will never pass, though, is a heart for Christ. A heart like Mary's.

This New Year will be the year of the New Eve. This year, I want to mold my heart to the heart of Mary - a heart that adores Jesus totally and passionately; a heart that says Fiat; a heart that is the essence of gentleness and the essence of strength.

Gentle

Strong

Joyful

Wise

Peaceful

Loving

This year, I want to inspire a heart for Christ in others (especially the men in my life, for some reason) by modeling Mary's own heart.  My New Year's resolution is to seek the truth of what it means to have a heart for Christ by listening to His mother's, and to share that truth with His world.

Mary, my beautiful Mother

I want to be holy, like you

I want to outdo myself in reckless generosity in giving my life to Christ

I want to receive the fullness of His Truth into my heart

with all the purity

humility 

and devotion

with which you received Him

I want to say YES to my God

Help me to hold fast to love

This year

And always

AMDG