My Way of the Cross

Good Friday: the day of the absent God. The day when we realise that until the Empty Tomb, there remains only an empty tabernacle. When Jesus is gone, grief, anguish and hopelessness are free to engulf; because without a Resurrection, all we have is the bitter agony of a Cross: a Calvary without victory.

For the past two weeks, I've been journeying, a day at a time, through the fourteen Stations of the Cross, spending an hour praying through each; meditating, contemplating; listening to Him. I'm twelve stations in and now I've hit Good Friday.

And so I'm going back. I'm retracing my steps to Calvary in remembrance of this beautiful, horrible, good Friday.

Here, presented unaltered, are my journal notes from prayer over the last fortnight: for my own documentary purposes and should they happen to draw the heart of another more deeply into Love's embrace.

The First Station: Jesus is condemned to death

"When they saw Him, they shouted, 'Crucify Him! Crucify Him!'"

John 19:6

"He was arrested and sentenced and led off to die, and no-one cared about His fate. He was put to death for the sins of our people... though He never committed a crime."

Isaiah 53:8

Lord,  You look upon us with mercy and humility and shout for our freedom. We look upon You with apathy and anger and cry out that we want You dead. How often do I condemn You, my precious Saviour? How often do I sentence Your voice to be silent, Your hands to be bound in my life? Every time I fail to act from Your Love, I drive nails through those hands of compassion. Every time I fail to speak with Your love, I perpetuate the silence of hope in the world.

Yet I behold You: humbled, blameless, willing to accept every trial and condemnation, so that I might be empowered to act and to speak. Lord, I pray that You would not let my calling of "Hosanna!" ever become a cry of "Crucify Him!". Make my faith firm, that I may ever stand on the side of Love.

O, what Love should accept my punishment as its own?

How deeply my God desires unity with me

that He should be the bearer of my Cross

And I the sharer of His Resurrection 

Imagine: what would it be like to experience the Gospel with new ears; to not know its victorious ending when reading the narrative of Jesus' condemnation?

All that is within me cries out in horror to watch this blameless man forsaken by His beloved and sentenced to the most agonizing of deaths.

Crowds of humanity, where is your mercy?

Why can your eyes see no Truth

Your hearts engender no compassion?

 Without Christ, hearts are cold and steeled;

malicious, apathetic and selfish.

The only cure to be found for the attitude that condemned Christ is the fruit of that condemnation:

the laying down of His life in a fiery Love

A Love that melts our icy hearts and ignites an imitation of itself in us

Love for God and for neighbour. 

The Second Station: Jesus takes up His Cross

"So they took Jesus and, carrying the cross Himself, He went out to what is called the place of the Skull."

John 19:16-17

Scriptural Memory: Abraham and Isaac

the Son carries the wood of the sacrifice to the anointed place

"God said, "Take your son Isaac, your only son, whom you love... and offer him up as a burnt offering." So Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and laid it on his son Isaac... then the two walked on together."

Genesis 22:2, 6a, 8b

And so God took the wood for the one, holy and eternal sacrifice and laid it on His Son, His only Son whom He loved. Then the two walked on together.

Beneath the weight of all my sin ....

All that I carried is now upon Your shoulders

My burden Yours to bear

Oh unequal transfer! Unjust exchange!

Why do I get to walk on with You in freedom

While You  are almost collapsing under my load?

For True Love did I carry!

My Joy in winning your heart

made the burden light

the agony bearable

The only Cross it hurts to carry is to 

know that your turn away

from Love

Lord, you took up Your cross. What cross do You need me to take up this day?

Why do you hesitate to bear another's burden? Why do you preserve your own faith while denying others its fruits?

For those who have little, even that which they have shall be taken

 For those who have little faith, even that which they have shall be taken

Does this not move your heart to generosity?

Ask and it shall be given unto you. If you beg Me to give you another's cross that they may walk free, then you shall bear that cross.

Strive for a generosity of heart that breaks down the barriers of individualism. Offer hope and freedom in Christ. You are His hands and feet now. Yours will carry. Yours will walk. 

He walks with you. 

The Third Station: Jesus falls for the first time

O Miraculous Misstep, that my God should choose to fall! No sooner did You take up Your cross than You were down upon the ground, unable to withstand the burden. How peculiar this moment of Your journey seems - so revelatory of Your true humanity. It speaks a Truth that seems paradoxical: even perfection falls.

And yet, though You fell, Your loving support keeps US upright.

When I say, "My foot is slipping!", Your mercy, Lord, holds me up

Psalm 94:18

The call to holiness is not a demand for infallibility - for even Christ fell - but an exhortation to persevere in sacrificial Love.

Even when I fall under the weight of my cross, I choose to continue carrying it, propelled by a love that is stronger than pain; stronger than suffering; stronger than death. 

Jesus, I love You!

The Fourth Station: Jesus meets His mother Mary

Standing by the Cross of Jesus [was] His mother

John 19:25

How deep and how cruel the pain of watching your own beloved Son be tortured and killed. Unfathomable agony! And yet she walked with Him and stood by Him to the  end - choosing not to care about her own sorrows but to be a comfort and solace to Him in His. There is a radical kind of selflessness in this act.

How dearly Mary must have loved her Son - her only baby, nurtured in her womb and her arms, raised to be upright and Truth-seeking, shown to be mighty, to be the Messiah - now executed as a criminal. She had every right to be indignant, hysterical, even rebellious to God's obscure and heartbreaking Will. Instead she "stood by" the Cross of Jesus. She chose to stand by God's decision and to let His peace carry her through.

Three meanings

"Standing by" = sticking with something, persevering

"Standing" = remaining strong, vigilant, upright

"Standing, by the cross" = it is only by His power and sacrifice that she fulfills her action

Through the power of Jesus' sacrifice I will persevere in adhering to God's Will, in order to remain strong, vigilant and upright. I will stand by the Cross.

How can I choose to be a solace to someone else in their sufferings rather than dwell upon my own?

Jesus, I beg you to rid me of my selfishness. I want my life to be a sacrifice of love in which I stand by Your Cross. I realize that I am profoundly incapable of this, though, because all I seem to value is my own comfort and appearance.

Cultivate the virtures of Mary's own heart

Maternal, humble, pure, present, poor, receptive, courageous, standing, obedient, hardworking, understanding, wonderous, surrending, trusting, serving, giving, rejoicing, insightful, pondering, sorrowful, wise, searching, bold, all-embracing

and filled with the Holy Spirit

Help me, Lord, to embrace, cherish and delight in each soul You bring me into contact with today. Wash away my blindness that I might see You in them and nothing else. Help me to receive others into the warmth of Your embrace without ever passing judgment or condemnation. Let my heart be as open to pure and sacrificial Love as Mary's was; to be present and insightful to the needs of those around me without being absorbed in my own.

Jesus, by the power of Your Cross and Holy Spirit, I ask for an increase in every virtue

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Kindness

Generosity

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

Nothing more than I need to take

Nothing less than all I have to give

For You.

The Fifth Station: Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus carry His Cross.

"As they were going out, they met a Cyrenian named Simon; this man they pressed into service to carry His cross."

Matthew 27:32

Simon - reluctant to be chosen

-walked alongside Jesus

-bore another's cross

-the father of Alexander and Rufus (two Christians known to Mark's readers - would suggest a powerful personal conversion after his experience on Calvary)

Am I reluctant to be chosen by God and for God? Do I truly walk alongside Jesus? Do I willingly carry the crosses of others for them? And is it a powerfully transformative experience? Is my heart converted by the load I bear for Christ? Do I hand on the fruits of that conversion to the next generation?

Action and Attitude - Simon carried the cross but had to be 'pressed into service'. How much greater and more beautiful an act of love for God if I not only carry, but choose to do so, and with JOY!

Rejoice in the will of God AMDG

The Sixth Station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

There is a haunting sort of parallel between Christ's transfiguration (where His face becomes changed in appearance - Luke 9:29) and His disfiguration. As the prophet Isaiah foretold, the Christ of Calvary "had not beauty to draw us to Him... like one from whom you turn your face, spurned and we held Him in no esteem."

While at the Transfiguration, Peter eagerly remarks that "it is good that we are here", at the disfiguration of the suffering servant, he and the other disciples are nowhere to be found.

Veronica, though, in ministering to the face of the suffering Christ, merits the glorious gift of having His true countenance impressed upon her soul.

Blessed are the pure of heart

for they shall see God

Do I choose to associate with Christ in His humiliation as well as His glory?

Do I have the purity of heart to see Him even when His countenance is disfigured by suffering?

Do I minister to the Christ of the disfiguration?

The Seventh Station: Jesus falls for the second time   

Jesus has encountered His beloved Mother; His burden is now shouldered by another; His brow has been wiped lovingly to ease His pain

Yet He falls again

Some would mock this fallen King, sprawled out in the dust. They would see Him as a failure, unable to complete His journey even with aid. Even for Jesus Himself, there would be strong temptation to become dejected and despondent, aware of His own weakness and how miserably pitiable He must appear to those around Him

No matter how hard you try, Satan taunts,  You will never succeed in doing good. You're better off just staying there in the dust. Why would You bother trying again? It's a lost cause. You will never win this battle for souls because Your own frailty and weakness keep getting in Your way. Give up. Acknowledge defeat. Salvation is impossible.

And Jesus replies

NEVER

He stands back up. He refuses to give up on a single soul. He keeps moving forward, however slowly

because GOD IS GREATER!

Letting go of every mistake

Throwing off the chains of restraint

All that will remain is a passion for Your name

Burning as we run this race

WE'RE NEVER GONNA STOP!

We're taking up our Cross, no matter what the cost!

Lord, much like Your own worn and exhausted body at the seventh station, mine is often ready to fall. There's no reason that I should feel so incapacitated and unable to set about doing the good both You and I will. I feel guilty for my weakness - frustrated that I am getting in my own way; yet simultaneously absorbed by laziness and a desire for comfort.

Persevere in running this race! Don't just keep dawdling - fix your eyes upon the Cross and say no to despondency! 

When my own resources are exhausted and, by human logic, I should submit to defeat - it is then that Your grace carries me onwards.

The Eighth Station: Jesus meets the women of Jerusalem

A large crowd followed Jesus, including many women who mourned and lamented Him. Jesus turned to them and said, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for Me! Weep instead for yourselves and for your children."

Luke 23:27-28 

To be without a Saviour, without a God is not so much a loss to that God whom we live without, but to ourselves and all those whom we care about; for to live without God is to live without Love itself. It is not Love's privilege to be accepted by us, but rather our privilege to accept Love into our hearts.

"Above all, pity those who live without Love."

Albus Dumbledore

Do not let the compassion you pour out upon the Lord be denied those for whom He wept (link to lament for Jerusalem - Luke 19: 41- 44)

Matthew 27:25 

And the whole people said in reply

"His blood be upon us and upon our children"

We weep for ourselves because we are guilty of the blood of the one who was innocent

In condemning Him by our choice to sin, we are electing to live without Love - and so without hope.

Lord, I choose Love. I choose You. Help me to reflect that choice in all that I say, think and do. I weep for every moment I choose to live without You. Let me never make that choice, my God! I love you.

AMDG

The Ninth Station: Jesus falls for the third time

These things tend to come in threes:

Thrice I deny You -   thrice You fall - thrice do You extend a new opportunity to say AMEN!

I have consoled my people - but who is left to console me? The end is near; my flesh grows weak. I cannot do this without you. My radiant bride, why do you run away? Do you turn your back on the fallen? You would disassociate yourself from the weak and imperfect, but in doing so you hide from redemption

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Stumbling blocks become stepping stones

when you take God's hand

And let Him lead

HERE I AM  - Yours

But God, being compassionate, forgave their sin

Time and time again He turned back His anger

Psalm 78

The Tenth Station: Jesus is stripped of His garments

"They divided my garments among themselves

for my vesture they cast lots."

John 19:24 (Psalm 22:19)

Humiliation - being made still humbled yet, stripped of His human dignity and exposed to public shame

But He does not hide.

Scriptural Memory: Parallel to Adam and Eve

Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew that they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made loinclothes for themselves.

Genesis 3:7 

 Because of sin, Adam and Eve cover their naked shame.

For redemption, Jesus is stripped bare for the uncovering of guilt

the freedom of those who had lived covered by the darkness of shame.

And again, in Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, our God is humbly unveiled before us - naked in poverty and in glory.

How can I bare my soul before Him as He has done for me?

How ought I strip back from every cover-up to be completely exposed in His presence?

Strip me back of all my pride, my possessions

Til all I want and all I seek is Your presence

Your bare and beaten body spread out

Your bruises deepening to purple

and gashes weeping Holy blood

Your naked, shuddering form stretched thin

All the world to see Your shame

My rescued and redeemed soul laid bare

Its worship deepening to union

and spirit weeping Holy tears

My poor, unworthy heart only begs that

All the world might sing Your praise

The Eleventh Station: Jesus is nailed to the Cross

"And even when you were dead in transgressions, and the uncircumcision of your faith, He brought you to life along with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions - obliterating the bond against us, with its legal claims, which was opposed to us, He also removed it from our midst, nailing it to the Cross."

Colossians 2:14

Crucifixion - the fulfillment of the crowd's frenzied rally against Jesus

He is nailed to the wood He carried - bound to it until death parts them.

Your hands are pierced, Lord; those holey hands are holy hands, bearing the stigmata and the stigma of one despised  and condemned

Agony! 

The Twelfth Station: Jesus dies on the Cross

Eloi, Eloi, lema sabacthani!

His body on the Cross is torn for us

Jesus I gaze upon Your agony

Your serenity

Your majesty

Truly, You died! You took my place! 

Your spirit was torn from Your body

And cast away under the weight of all my sin

My God, my God, why did you not forsake me?

You never forsook me!

Nothing I say or do can match the gift of life 

You have given me. 

~~~~~

And now all is silent. 

We wait for a Resurrection as we take our beloved God down from His holy cross and place Him in the tomb.

Hope is a peculiar thing

I think it's the heart of becoming like a child in faith

Hope is naive

It's irrational

And yet

It is the only thing drawing our hearts to eternity.

It's Good Friday

Let's live hopefully. 

AMDG