Becoming Incarnate (Part IV of There-and-Back-Again)

This is Part IV of a four-part blog series called "There-And-Back-Again". You can find Part I here, Part II here and Part III here. Together they tell the story of my mid-semester break, wherein I spent the ten days living as a contemplative nun at Jamberoo Abbey in NSW. 

If you've read these all in one go, I beg you: take a break. Breathe a bit. Go refresh your body and your brain so that the Holy Spirit actually has something to work with. At this stage in my real-life journey, Sr Hilda looked at me intently and said "Kate, I think you're getting a bit introspective. Maybe watch a movie or go for a run today." Dear friend, I offer you the same advice.

There and Back Again
Part IV: Becoming Incarnate

I was actually pretty sure I was going to die that night. I closed my journal after writing down Jesus' precious, precious words entrusting to me the call of Incarnation. And it felt finished. 

I was like, "Cool. If I die tonight, that'd be beautiful. I'd be in your arms for all eternity. And someone would find my prayer journals and write a super-long four-part blog post series on them so I don't have to."

Shockingly, I woke up the next morning. 

Turns out God always has in store "immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine." There is more room at the banquet table. Even if the ninety-nine are safe, He goes to seek the one little sheep who is lost. He is the Gatherer drawing all creation back into perfect union with the Father.

For quite possibly the first time in my life, I felt perfectly at peace. 

It was Him. He was all that I wanted. He had pointed me up the mountain for five years only to meet me at the summit and say, "Let's go down again!" He had called me into the very depths of my soul only to propel me back out again and urge me to live in union with Him in the middle of the world. 

And there was still more in store! I couldn't believe I was still alive and that He had more for me.

It was the Feast of the Annunciation, delayed by Holy Week and Easter, and I sang the Magnificat in a way that felt entirely new. 

And I listened to the angel's words to Mary on repeat in my mind: do not be afraid.

Don't be afraid of the vines that could overgrow the path to the summit - for I tell you, they will overgrow it. But I have not left you without tools for making the way clear. See, the Word of God is sharper than a two-edged sword. 

Don't be afraid of the Bitter Valleys, because the road the Zion is in your heart, and as you walk with ever-growing strength, the autumn rain will cover the land with blessings.

Don't be afraid, because what you want is not of this world. You will not find your vocation in any tangible earthly reality, because I AM. Hear the echo of my heartbeat in all that you encounter, leading you home. You are not a slave, so do not behave like one. You owe me nothing except your very self. So be united with me in your heart of hearts: no facades, no extra decorations - naked without shame but clothed with the dignity of Love.

Do not be afraid when your story of holiness - that is, wholeness in Me - does not look like other stories. For in you I am doing something new. 

Blessed are you among women.

On my final morning at the Abbey, the Gospel was John 3:16:

"God so loved the world that He gave His only Son so that everyone who believed in Him may not be lost but may have eternal life."

The kerygma. The core of His heart, and the core of mine. My greatest hope: to not be lost, but to know the road home that leads from everywhere back to Him. 

Let the whole world be to you not peripheral but translucent, so that the Light of this message shines through all things to remind you who I AM.

And so I went down the mountain.

~~~

I've been back in Brisbane for less than a week, and I've spent most of that time spiritually weed-whacking in an attempt to keep the path to the summit clear. 

There have been essays and youth group mailouts and psalm-cantoring disasters and uni chaplaincy meetings and city noise and friends who want to catch up and Brooklyn Nine-Nine (which I made the mistake of discovering on Netflix).

But none of it needs to be peripheral. I only need to realise that it can all be translucent.

If God is Love, then "I love" means "I experience God in". 

And I want to experience Him everywhere, in all things. I want to Listen to Him in everything, and Love Him in everyone. I want to zoom out and see as He sees. 

Most of the time I see only the moment - but He sees the eternal overflow. I see only an essay - He sees an opportunity to lead me into His indelible wisdom. I see my humanity in all its flaws - He sees my humanity and becomes Incarnate in it to raise it to glory. 

~~~

Am I clearer about where my life is going? Probably not. I might still become a religious sister of some variety. I might get married and have some lovely little incarnate babies. I might travel. I might do a PhD. I might end up living in a slum somewhere. 

To be honest, I couldn't care less. Even if nothing is sorted out or in place, everything is.

Because I am clear about who He is and why I am. 

Jesus' final comment on the subject? 

Only took you five years to get there. Yeesh. It's like playing hide and seek with a toddler: How can you not see Me? I'm literally standing in the middle of the room. 

AMDG

~~~

Thanks for following along! Contact me if you want to talk about anything - I'm always up for a good chat about Jesus :) 

One final word: don't be afraid of going deep with God. Sometimes I think we live quickly and superficially because we're afraid of what we might find if we go deeper. But as God reminds me time and time again: Yes, miners may find some random creepy crawlies in the depths of the earth. But they're there to search for jewels. The deeper we go, the more original goodness we shall excavate.