My Refuge

When I was little, I always dreamed of going inside tabernacles. The little velvet lined box that holds our Lord always entranced me so much. Whenever it was opened I craned my neck to see what was inside, trying to catch a glimpse of the sacred space. I think even as a very young child, I inherently knew there was something holy and amazing about that little place that held Jesus' body. And yet it seemed so accessible, so comfortable and hospitable. I always wanted to be able to shrink down to the size of a doll and crawl into the cozy, beautiful box. I wanted to be hugged tight by our Lord and cling to Him in that most sacred of spaces. I still do. Jesus is our refuge, and he nurtures us lovingly, dearly and tenderly as His little children. 

Seeing a fleeting glance of the inside of the tabernacle is something I hope to be akin to experiencing heaven. To see that most beautiful and sacred space where our Lord dwells must be similar to seeing his kingdom in heaven (even if on a much lesser scale...). Wanting to crawl into the tabernacle and be with Jesus forever is my soul crying out for heaven. And one day, when the Lord wills it, I will be able to meet him in heaven and stay in his warm embrace forever as his little child. It fills my heart with inexpressible joy. :-)

Tonight at Lighthouse, Kelly gave a talk on the phrase "Jesus, I trust in you". I think it takes a lot of courage to stop worrying and overreacting to every unpleasant thing in life, and to devote everything to God in the knowledge that it His most perfect and holy Will. So often, looking back on situations which left me utterly heartbroken or desolate, the most amazing things have come from them.

In year seven, I auditioned for Fiddler on the Roof. I didn't get in because my dancing wasn't good enough, and I was completely heartbroken. After that, I decided to take dance classes, and that decision has changed my life so much. If it hadn't been for that unpleasant heartbreak, I'd not be the person I am today, nor would I have had some of the amazing experiences I have had. Now I've even gotten into some shows specifically as a dancer!

At the end of year nine, I missed out on the award for top academic achieve marginally to my best friend. It seemed like the end of the world, and I was desolate. But two incredibly important things came from that unfavourable experience. Firstly, I set myself incredible goals for the next year, worked extremely diligently and attained my exact aspirations for that year. Secondly, and much more importantly, it turned me back to God. It may seem sad that the reason I began praying every night was to ask God for assistance academically, but I did, and He helped me to become the top of my year group the following year. Since then, prayer has become much more meaningful to me than merely gaining God's help, but if it hadn't have been for the heartbreak of my nonsuccess, I would not have grown to love God as immensely as I do.

I trust that God has a plan for me. I trust in His Divine Will, and that He will turn my failures into successes, my weakness into strength and my hardships into happiness. And until the day when I can forever be in God's arms in his heavenly tabernacle, I will trust in Him and find my refuge in Him.